What went wrong...

At a certain point in your life, you'd begin to realize that what you wanted before may not be what you wanted now...it may be a thing, a dream, a place or a person... We try to deny the urge or the realization for fear that we may loose this feeling of comfort but honestly, tension will just build up and the point of breaking will eventually take its toll. I for instance had encountered this with my-not-so-recent relationship with mike...

I don't really know how to start this one because it may sound uncaring. I admit that I loved him, with all my heart, with all my mind. But as I tried to get to know him for years, I could not fully accept the "real" him: that is, the fact that he does not commit openly to our relationship and not having the ambition to go for the better things in life. I am not materialistic. I do not impose things on him like gifts or presents. All I really wanted was for us to make it to the next level. As immature as he is, he doesnt get that. It may look that it is not important to him as it was to me and thinks that everything we have is just ok. How can everything be ok when the guy lives in another island and we do spend "quality" time by merely speaking for hours on the phone??No one is talking about moving and having plans to be "near" to each other and this makes me really sick because technically, what we have on the phone doesnt count as "real" relationship. Another thing is his lack of ambition in life. Whenever I ask him what's his plans for the future he'll just laugh and say that he'll just stick to his small business until it will become better. Who is he kidding?Will he just wait and see things happen or rather do something about it? I cannot go on like this... I couldnt tolerate immature, ambition-less guy, who always cry out to his mother or ate/kuya whenever something as minor as printer problems pop out once in a while. I know family is family but to seek consult even to the tiniest details of your life is such a cowardly act, a sign of immaturity.

As for my feelings for him, well...they are feelings. I love him and would like to help him see things through but all my efforts are gone to waste because he doesnt seem to see the problem. Thats why I havent talked to him in 2 months, without formal and proper goodbye bcoz I am simply irritated. I'm fed up acting the older one when in fact he's 9 yrs my senior and should be the more responsible one.

In one of our text banter he said, "You changed", my reaction was, "No i havent, you simply dont know me that well".

All about Him and I

Him and I are friends for 6 years now. They met through a common friend. Him is 9 years older than I. Him is from Kalibo while I if from Cebu. Him had a gf before while I had someone else too. Him and I became really good friends. I always ask for Him's advice about things in life. Him became I's confidant and vice versa. They have this kind of friendship going on for years. If I cant share her problems to her friends and significant others, I always relied on Him's very kind and endearing words. It came to a point that all I had ever trusted is Him.



As years passed by Him's relationship with his gf turned sour. They didnt agree pretty much on many things and some attitude issues on the gf's part. Being heartbroken, Him turned to I for retreat and advice. As a good friend, I talked to him about love and life and moving on. Him doesnt sound that convinced and still dwells on his past. On the other hand, I's relationship to her bf is on the rocks as well. Being takin for granted, I lost all respect for her guy. The bf left I for abroad without telling her. I was devasted. Being heartbroken herself made her hesitate to turn to Him's advice. Him sensed that something's wrong with I since she didnt communicate that much anymore. Him called I and asked, bursting with tears I told everything to Him. They consoled each other as friends. Giving encouraging words and putting humor to their different sad love stories.



Time passed and I finished school and went on with her life. Him is still I's confidant throughall this years. Him also moved on with his life concentrating more on his business but that didnt hinder Him to communicate very often to I. Him and I became closer each day, telling more and more about themselves, sharing their happiest and sad moments. It came to a point that Him subscribed to a landline service where long distance charge is free. Him and I talked everyday, may it be in the morning before work or at night just as they arrive from work. They practically talked about anything under the sun, how did their day went thru and all the details in their life.



Summer of 2007 is approaching and I and her friends planned to go to Boracay. Knowing that Kalibo is quite near to Boracay, I anticipated that she will see Him again really soon. I told Him all about the plans and Him is excited to see I again. Of course that summer was really fun and memorable to I and Him because they hanged out again. Back to Cebu after the weekend over at Boracay, I was really happy.



Months passed and still Him and I continues to communicate everyday inspite the distance. Him acts like I's bf and is really caring and sweet. Him never failed to let I feel his presence inspite how far they are with each other. I is really confused with the mixed signs and signals Him is sending to her. I is sensing that she is falling for him but keeps on denying the feeling. I is afraid that maybe its only her putting too much color with what Him is doing or acting. I kept denying for months until December came. I cant helpt it. She is falling and falling all over again. Maybe its because of the season or what but I admitted to her self that she does like Him for real. The dilemma I is going thru for over a few months now is will she say what she feels for Him or will she wait in vain for Him to realize what she had realized.



So what do you think I should do?

"Life's on a roll"

This one-liner from my best friend hit me bull's-eye 2 weeks ago. We were having this conversation about life's ups and downs and how to make the most out of it. According to her, taking risks and falling is part of the plan. I bickered back with a nonsensical grin.

I told her, "If its part of the plan, then hurting yourself is part of the plan as well?"

And she answered, "Oh well, that's part of growing up."

Stunned with what she said, I replied. "I rather grow up unscathed and still learn things!"

She laughed at me and gave me this long mantra.

"Life's on a roll my friend. We cannot predict what will happen then. All that we have now are choices that's why we need to fall down at times to learn how to pick our choices wisely."